This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Randomize
