Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We are all done wearing pants today
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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