Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
