why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
