Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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