I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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