Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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