he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
