What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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