You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
