He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
