naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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