I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
