Nicole vs. Life
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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