apparently the secret to your success is patron
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
