end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
