Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
