Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
