I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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