how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
