Can i not drive my cunt home
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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