id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
