My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
