This is not my ceiling
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Let's get the cat blown out
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
