If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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