why didn't you poke me back
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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