I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
