a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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