is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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