you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
