he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
