Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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