made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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