Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
