also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Randomize
