I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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