yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
