After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
