every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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