Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
