So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
