if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
