pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
