3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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