shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
