Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
