There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
