you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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