Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
