I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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