so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
