literally had 100 drinks last night.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
