If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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